Baconalia Review: Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies with Great Lakes Porter

Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies with Great Lakes Porter

Bacon and chocolate chip cookies with a nice, rich porter. ..sounds like dessert to my face!  I’m currently in the midst of planning a bacon party that (at this point) will focus entirely on baked goods.  For whatever reason, I’m actually trying the recipes ahead of time this round.  Perhaps I am growing up and becoming more responsible or perhaps I just really like to bake and post cookies to friends.  Regardless of the present and the future, these cookies were the first cookies of my bacon cookie past.  These cookies predate my whole “Baconalia” concept and I got the recipe from a friend, rather than from the internet.  Seriously.   The first time I made these cookies I was completely unaware of the internet’s boundless infatuation with bacon.

I Was Wrong.

I admit it: I was wrong.  I thought that the Budweiser commercial continuance would get all sassy and feature a woman.  (Come on, Bud is owned by InBev, so it’s European – shouldn’t we get a racy commercial?!?)

Nope, it features Cowboy Scraggles, who turns into Cowboy Singalong with a Bud…with a 1971 song, you know, Nixon-era.  Perhaps this was a tribute to bad karaoke?  Budweiser, please focus on the Clydesdales or revert to the frogs.  If you need to shake things up, this is not the way to go.  Nobody in my viewing group was impressed.  Had you gone with a sassy broad?  Well, you might have captivated half the room…

If you want to see the commercial, you can find it here

Baconalia Review: Beef Bacon With Delirium Tremens

beef bacon with delirium tremens

 

Beef bacon is sort of like the East German swim team of bacon.  It’s a bit huskier, a bit hardier, and bit more muscled.  While it’s clearly a cousin of bacon, there’s not much dainty about it and you’d best not offend it in a dark alley.  Whatever though – I am much more interested in eating my bacon than in offending it.  I bought Wellshire Farms beef bacon at my local Whole Foods, so I am sure it is quite ethical.

Unlike turkey bacon, beef bacon renders plenty of fat while cooking.  It cooks down quite a lot actually and I employed some of its fat to get the turkey bacon started.  I totally save my rendered bacon fat (Baconalia 3 Plans!) and found beef bacon fat significantly huskier and muskier than normal bacon.  Since I could tell the difference by smell alone, I did not mix the fats.  What can I say?  I’m a purist of sorts.

Baconalia II Review: Turkey Bacon with Lindeman’s Framboise Lambic

Turkey Bacon with Lindemans Framboise Lambic

One of my long-standing beliefs is that people who claim “turkey bacon is just as good as pork bacon” probably don’t eat much pork bacon.  (Henceforth, pork bacon will be referred to merely as bacon.  Because it is.)  I paired turkey bacon with Lindeman’s Framboise Lambic, a Belgian fruit beer.  Thanksgiving inspired this pairing, hence why I’m posting it now.  I know cranberries are the traditional Thanksgiving fruit, but I think this is a better beer and using the terminology “inspired” allows me a fair bit of leeway for play and fun – both vital to a successful Baconalia.

Rationalization, Please (Toddler Toys)

Bad decisions can be defended with good arguments.  I’ve personally made some less than stellar choices – three time traffic court defendant!  However, I balance those missteps with some more than stellar rationalizations – three time traffic court WINNER!  As previously listed while I think (know) that there are some nasty toys out there, it’s pretty easy to argue reasons for purchasing and gifting them.  Please note that I am not saying that you ought to purchase them, I’m merely saying that if you happen to purchase them and need to explain yourself…well, basically I’m an enabler.  “It looked like fun” is a pretty lame defense.  If you want to go with a fun line of reasoning, back it up with a relevant opinion – the salesperson, a mom/dad/kid in the aisle said it’s a favorite at their house, your own kid, winning some award, etc.  An “award” sticker on a box is always a good first line of defense.

Toys That Are NOT Fun For Adults – Toddler Edition!



Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat

Please leave a penny in the old man’s hat;

If you haven’t got a penny, a ha’penny will do,

If you haven’t got a ha’penny then God Bless You!

 

Christmas is coming…Hanukkah is coming…St. Nick’s Day is coming…basically, a lot days (and series of days) which involve gift giving and gift receiving will soon upon us.  Kids in particular receive a LOT of crap.  Sure, they receive some nice stuff too, but: In my experience, kids get a lot of crap.  Crap that is annoying (to kid and/or others), dangerous, frustrating, fragile, and flat-out soul sucking.  The following is a partial list (based solely on my experience and from my trusted-sources of hearsay) of the most annoying toys.  Ban them from your home and give them to the children of your least-favorite adults!  It boggles me that a market still exists for some of these toys; a lot of shoppers are either passive aggressive or don’t have their own kids.

 

TODDLER EDITION!

To Crock (v)

Recently, a friend hit me up for a definition of “crocking.”  Most simply, crocking is the action of using a crockpot.  Less simply, and more accurately, I gave her this response:

Some people might tell you that crocking isn’t really a word and that it’s the verbitizing of a brand name - a brand name which is probably trademarked.  I’m here to tell you that those people are losers and pick their noses all the time.  Crocking is the cool kids’ version of slow cooking.  It’s a bit more extreme and requires a lot more passion.  Fear not though!  It’s still fantastically energy efficient. 

Slow cooking is what nanas do.  Slooooooooooooow cooking is what the chef on South Park WOULD do.  Crocking is a movement of our time. 

 

Crock on, world, crock on.

Baconalia Review: Praline Bacon with Goose Island Nightstalker Beer

Praline Bacon with Goose Island Nightstalker Beer

 

There’s a shirt out there that proclaims “Bacon is Meat Candy.”  I do not have this shirt, but I do have a recipe for meat candy.  This is it.  Oh my gosh.  This.  Is.  It.  I matched dessert beer with my meat candy and my sweet tooth was sated.    

Praline bacon is wicked easy to make.  It has three ingredients: pecans, brown sugar, and bacon.  While I use a lot of Hormel Black Label bacon, I wanted my bacon to be at least as thick as its candy coating, so opted for sturdier bacon.  I went with the thick cut applewood smoked bacon from my local Trader Joe’s.  The applewood smoked aspect is pretty subtle – especially with the coating – but adds a nuance of, “huh, something about this is extra good.”  Using thicker bacon also made this easier to handle.  Praline bacon CAN be prepared ahead of time and is somewhat shelf stable, although it is best warm.  (Shelf-stable claim based on the fact that mailed some to a friend and he did not get sick after consuming it.)    

Baconalia Review: Bacon-Wrapped Pineapple Chunks with Bruery Hottenroth Sour Ale

bacon-wrapped pineapple chunks with sour ale

Pineapple.  Bacon.  Beer.  This offering involved a trio of independently tasty bits; it was simple, yet strong, in its statement.  My inspiration for this matching was “sweet and sour” ala a (stereo)typical Asian dish, but with a beverage upgrade.

The label bacon-wrapped pineapple is entirely self-descriptive: chunks of pineapple wrapped in strips of bacon.  Personally, I am not a fan of canned pineapple.  I don’t care for its defective taste or texture, especially when fresh pineapple is so superior.  Fortunately, grocery stores in the tundra carry fresh pineapple and I am flat-out amazing at cutting those buggers.  (Using a baller knife helps a lot.)  You probably could use canned pineapple, but you are definitely worth fresh pineapple.

Book Review: The Nanny Diaries

“Book Review” is probably a generous description, as this is less review and more rant.  It’s not my fault that it’s a poorly-written book.  It is my fault that I read most of it.

I’m a nanny and I like to read.  As such, some people assume I like to read (crappy) books like The Nanny Diaries. Ugh, no.  I tend to read about things like Tudor history, biological weapons, and contemporary politics.  The last three books that I’ve chosen for myself are: Clinton’s Secret Wars: The Evolution of a Commander-in-Chief by Richard T. Sale; Greek Fire, Poison Arrows, and Scorpion Bombs: Biological and Chemical Warfare in the Ancient World by Adrienne Mayor; and The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes from an Accidental Country Girl by Ree Drummond.  The first my dad recommended to me, the second I found via a search (because I am a huge dork), and the third is because I like her website/food.  I’m not opposed to fiction or books about the ins-and-outs of the nanny world; I’m opposed to books that annoy me.