To Crock (v)

Recently, a friend hit me up for a definition of “crocking.”  Most simply, crocking is the action of using a crockpot.  Less simply, and more accurately, I gave her this response:

Some people might tell you that crocking isn’t really a word and that it’s the verbitizing of a brand name - a brand name which is probably trademarked.  I’m here to tell you that those people are losers and pick their noses all the time.  Crocking is the cool kids’ version of slow cooking.  It’s a bit more extreme and requires a lot more passion.  Fear not though!  It’s still fantastically energy efficient. 

Slow cooking is what nanas do.  Slooooooooooooow cooking is what the chef on South Park WOULD do.  Crocking is a movement of our time. 

 

Crock on, world, crock on.

Halloween Reflections

At expectation, I went to a couple of Halloween parties Saturday night.   I made the following observations:

1.) The Halloween crowd on public transit is less scary and more interesting than the usual crowd.

2.) Despite point one, the solitary, uncostumed elderly gentleman on the bus wanted to be my new BFF and chatted me up.  Halloween or not, I struggle with ignoring people with whom I do not want to be friends.  I generally don’t like strangers, but that seems rude.  I often remember too late to pretend I don’t speak English and just reply in Russian. 

3.) As a child, how my costume would work with appropriate outerwear was a HUGE consideration.  As an adult, how annoying my costume will be in a crowd is my primary consideration.  (This year I went for an easily removeable costume – win! – which I removed after the novelty wore off…and when I went to the bathroom.)

Five Good Things

It’s been a great weekend, with great people.  This is not hard.

1.) Last weekend was a big race weekend for me; it was also a BIG WINNING weekend.  While it’s most important to try hard and show good sportsmanship, my team managed to do those things AND WIN.  Heck yeah!

2.) I am in my favorite city.  I don’t have to leave it until tomorrow.

3.) I got a lot of free stuff over the weekend.  I even like some of it.

4.) The above race was the conclusion of my racing season, so I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want – for a couple of weeks at least.  Then, at the behest of my arteries, I will revert to living a healthy lifestyle.

5.) While on my trip, I have played with two great dogs and one great kid.  High Quality.

Beyond Jennifer and Jason: A Kid Tip

The Boo and I have been spending A LOT of time together lately, meaning we are also having A LOT of conversations.   Like most of his peers, Boo is starting to figure out that there is a whole big world out there and there are questions he can ask about every aspect of that whole big world. 

To Boo, things are as alive as people – they feel, have personalities, and their basic needs must be met.  He does not yet discriminate amongst nouns.  Neither marketing nor the media help much with clarifying this.  Trains and cars have more personality than half of the people whom I know.   Bugs aspire towards loftier goals than three-quarters of the people whom I know.  A Velveteen Rabbit loves truer than 97% of the world’s population.  Monkeys, well, monkeys do a heck of a lot more than eat bananas and throw their poo.   It’s all very real to Boo.

Welcome Back.

With both a bit more color and a bit more, um, me – I’m back.  Getting back into the country could have been tricky, but I have mad problem solving skills.  I slept through the initial distribution of customs forms, so when I hit my button to ask for one, the one they brought me was not in English.

Crap.  As previously divulged, I don’t really speak anything but English.  I took a deep, cleansing breath and remembered that my literacy skills are generally better than my verbal ones and I have YEARS of Tundra Spanish classes under my belt.  I decided that I could do this. 

Crap.  There are a lot of words on this that aren’t familiar.  Wait.  I know the word for ‘no’ in Spanish; it’s ‘no.’  This lists ‘nao’ in the checky boxes.  This is not the same Spanish we learned in the tundra.  Time to hit that flight button again and ask for the form in English.  I don’t relish being troublesome and limited, but I am.

Crap.  They don’t have any English forms; they had some Spanish ones earlier, but I got whatever was left.  The forms are one per family, and everyone near me is either sleeping or did not have to fill out a form.  (I got to sit next to a nine-year-old whose carry-on pretty much just consisted of a LOT of pictures of his dog to show me…better than the actual dog on the plane though.)

i’d make a really smart toddler

Boo is one of those kids who attends “classes”…note the plural and feign shock.  One of our classes is at a chain – heavily scripted curriculum, peppy (and sometimes pitchy) teachers, lots of bright colors, constant product placement, and frequent reassurance that your active participation with your (or “your”) child could potentially nab them a spot at Harvard some day…or better yet, whatever the most coveted local preschool happens to be. 

I am getting kind of sick of this class.  However, Boo absolutely ADORES it and they have an awesome open play schedule.  Still, I’ve been trying to convince him that it would be SO MUCH MORE FUN to spend our Tuesday mornings at soccer or art or a cooking class.  The kid’s usual response is to break into one of the songs from this class.  My least favorite involves the instructor banging on the multi-colored mat, while singing a modified version of “We Will Rock You” with lines like “Givin’ you kisses all over yo’ face!”  

Straight from the company’s webpage, the purpose of this class is to: Stretch the imagination through creative play to support symbolic thinking, language development and social interaction. This class is suitable for toddlers. Obviously I’m REALLY good at this fucking class.  Each week there is a theme around which the activities revolve – horses, monkeys, construction, fire fighters, cars, dogs, post office, farm, etc.  There are props and songs and I’m pretty adept at ad libbing and interacting with Boo.  Do you know why?  BECAUSE THIS IS A CLASS DESIGNED TO PROMOTE SKILLS THAT ARE DEVELOPMENTALLY APPROPRIATE FOR TWO YEAR OLDS TO BE BUILDING.  I was two a very long time ago and have been honing these skills for decades.  Ask me about my musical theater phase sometime.