About Bacon, Not Health Care

On the left: chocolate-dipped bacon

I feel like I should write about Sunday’s health care vote.  Not only that I should write about it, but also that I should want to write about it…but I don’t.  I don’t want to, and at least for today, I am not going to.  So there.  Sometimes I do not like to conform to expected or established norms.

There are norms of which I am a HUGE supporter: wearing deodorant, brushing one’s teeth, showering – really any aspect of personal hygiene and grooming wins my vote.  I am also an advocate of certain social graces, such as being kind, taking turns, and generally not being an idiot.  Thinking of others ranks pretty high in my list as well, along with respect for shared spaces.  I am totally That Girl who forgets herself on public transit and in parks and chases down litterbugs with the old, “Oh!  I think you dropped something!  I wanted to let you know in case it’s important.”  In actuality, I’m just being a (slightly) passive-aggressive biddy.  I sure know what empty candy wrappers look like and few people hold strong attachments to them.  Something I learned along the way with this habit is that if the guilty party is visibly mentally unstable, angry, or under the influence of an illegal/controlled substance; I should probably just leave them alone.  Really though: Throw your trash away, unless it’s recyclable, and if that’s the case – recycle it.  This is not difficult.  I have lived in places without recycling pick-up, and while it sucks and feels wrong to drive recycling around, it still is not that hard.  Applying eyeliner is much harder.

When I’m not picking up my own trash or sorting my recycling, I am sometimes resisting social mass movements – usually of the wired sort.  I hate emoticons and refuse to use them. Every once in awhile one will sneak out from my fingers, but it’s been months and I always feel a little dirty whenever one slips onto my screen.  I don’t twit or tweet or twootle – and I won’t. When Obama was elected or MJ died, my facebook status made no allusion to the headline of the day.  I’m not making a statement.  It’s more probable that I have already spent a fair amount of time talking and reading about things before I get a chance to write about them.  Lack of a manifesto is not lack of interest or awareness. 

Ergo, today I am going to present the steps I follow when making chocolate-covered bacon.  There are no measurements, because I do not measure anything.

Step One: Preparing the Bacon: Overcook some bacon. Do not burn it, but you want it crispy and crunchy, with a lot of the fat cooked out.  This is so you are not dipping a blatant grease into a fat later on.  Trust me.  Cook it well, blot it with paper towels, and then let it sit to cool while you prepare the chocolate.

Step Two: Preparing the Chocolate: Last time, I used Ghirardelli’s semi-sweet chips, which are dairy free and delicious.  Nothing but the best for my (allergy-suffering) friends.  I thought about improvising some sort of makeshift double boiler (I do not own a proper one), but them that seemed like sort of a lot of work.  Additionally, I totally had an extra bag of chips if it turned out that I was wrong and it was a necessary step.  Guess what though?  It wasn’t, so ha-ha, I win and only had one dirty pot.  ANYWAY!  I melted the chips OVER LOW HEAT.  This takes some time folks. The chips were melting a bit thick, so I threw in some vanilla soy milk.  I’m sure regular milk or plain soy would have been fine and cream probably would have been delicious, but I needed to use what I had and wouldn’t cause anyone to have an allergic reaction.  Anaphylaxis is a total party downer.  After dumping in some “milk,” I folded the melty chocolate into it, to incorporate the two.  Then I decided to toss in some vanilla extract, as pretty much everything is better with it.  Keeping the heat quite low, I kept stirring and made a lovely pot of a chocolate-y melty-moosh.

Step Three: Bringing Home the (Chocolate-Covered) Bacon: Dip Strip B into Pot C.  Place on non-stick foil or parchment paper to cool.  I hastened things along by then transferring it to the fridge.

I paired this with Great Lakes porter.  If you live in the desolate tundra, you can join me in appreciating that we have some awesome craft breweries.  The porter I selected is rich, warm, and dark porter – look for some chocolate and caramel malty goodness.  Personally, I’m generally not a huge fan of porters, but when they work well with food they really work well with food; this is an instance of that.  Whenever possible, it’s great to buy local beer.   Buy American and Americans…drink?

Health care is great, so is this bacon.


3 Responses to “About Bacon, Not Health Care”

  1. 1 Erin Donnely
    March 24, 2010 at 10:45 am

    I’m totally trying this recipe. Especially the dash of vanilla extract. Thanks! Now to dig out the fondue pot…

    There’s a whole slew of bacon recipes in this month’s Taste of Home magazine including Bacon Waffles and Bacon Scones plus a page on Bacon-themed accessories like bacon band-aids.

    • March 25, 2010 at 10:37 pm

      Oh sweet! I’m actually in the throes of planning round two! (I think it’s going to involve a pinata, which is going to require bacon-themed treats.) I have those band-aids; they look kind of like scabs.

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