Today is the twelfth anniversary of my mother’s death.  I think of her and miss her daily, as I have for tens of thousands of days and will for tens of thousands of days more.  It isn’t ritualistic for me and it is seldom with sadness, she’s just always going to be a part of me – just as she was in my creation and my development.  Her influence did not end when her life did.  I am very much her daughter, a resemblance of which I am proud.

My mother was a fantastic woman in every way.  Logically I sometimes wonder if I have idealized her, but realistically, I know that she actually was that amazing.  Even more amazing was the relationship my mother and I shared.  At a time when many of my peers were being all angsty with their moms, my mom and I hung out together.  I’m not sure if it is harder to be a teenage girl or the mother of a teenage girl; in my family, it wasn’t particularly hard to be either.  We didn’t scream at or fight with each other; we found it much more enjoyable to watch bad 90s television or establish a ranking system to evaluate all of the soft-serve ice cream places within a three-town radius.  (We both liked Hardees a lot.)  

By the time I was in my teens, my mom and I had a relationship that few of my friends have managed to replicate, despite the additional decade plus of time they’ve had to practice.  I have never doubted my mother’s love for and confidence in me, nor have I ever doubted her knowledge of my love and respect for her.  I still have that and always will, no matter how many days or years pass since she did.  It does sometimes sadden me when I think of all I’ve missed having with her and will continue to miss her at certain milestones in my life.  However, I find great comfort in the relationship we had and it’s preserved in my memory forever.


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