Latin Americans tend to not speak Slavic languages.
Resorts all kind of look the same – both internally and compared to each other.
Even toddler boys enjoy watching a hussy dressed in a thong and bralet, shaking her, um, “gifts.”
Resort gyms tend to be empty.
It is possible to create a shower gel that smells like Manischewitz wine. I did not test this theory, but I suspect it might also taste like Manischewitz wine.
My Spanish is bad enough that I get responded to in English.
The southland sun is both more present and more direct than the tundra’s sun. I can burn through SPF 70 after just over an hour of exposure to it – and yes, I even actually wait inside for a bit after applying my sunscreen. Thanks!
I overheard a kid around six years old order a pina colada “sin alcohol” – at first I thought, “Duh.” Then I thought, “Yeah.”
I do not order my pina coladas “sin alcohol.” I just order them.
Everyone wants me to try their tequila – everyone except me, that is.
Some folks think that if they tell me my Spanish is good, I will be more inclined to buy something from them. Um, here’s the thing: I don’t believe you when you tell me I “have no accent” in my “excellente” Spanish. Do you know why? Because I have a freaking noticeable accent in ENGLISH. Sure, it’s a bit of a hodge-podge from various places I’ve lived, but it is a definite accent.
Man, is there some trashy crap out there. I wonder what the target market is for some of these “products.”
There are a lot of guys out there who want to be my novio latino. I’m hot.
Despite significant care and attention to not get sunburned and DEFINITELY not get a farmer’s tan, I am sunburned. However, I have an inverse farmer’s tan. Apparently it’s time to adopt some sleeves. (Note: My avoidance strategy for avoiding undesirable tan/burn lines revolved around wearing tank tops and swimsuits, so as not to have any sleeves. I coated my whole being in SPF 70 pretty much hourly as well.)
Pretty much every taxi is a van. A fifteen-passenger van. Not a hybrid. Killing the big blue ball. Killing it.
“Meal-sized” salad is not a universal measurement. Pleasant location does not make being hungry pleasant. There is a possibility that I am a bit of a pig, but I don’t want to explore that possibility.
Contrary to the fears of some of my male family members, I never felt unsafe or in danger of being hacked into pieces by a machete. Did you know that there was a recent recall on machetes? Yeah, laceration hazard.
For every one hundred signs offering free shots, there might be one sign offering wi-fi. The wi-fi is probably not free.
Checking one’s account balance in a weak currency is VERY satisfying.
A sketchy bathroom might not have soap or a light, but it could still have premium toilet paper. Don’t judge prematurely, regardless of where you are.
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