20
Apr
10

Puppies and Toddlers

Puppies and toddlers have a lot in common.   This is a professional opinion.

1.) Their noses are generally wet.

2.) They will eat pretty much anything – as long as it isn’t actually food.  Exceptions might be made for food belonging to others, animal or human. 

3.) Fine.  They’ve both been know to eat dog food and cheese.

4.) Both are lucky that they tend to be pretty cute; it’s often the only thing that saves them.

5.) They are the subjects of 100s upon 100s of pictures and videos.

6.) While commonly restrained during walks (leashes and strollers are available for both) they joyfully run free at the park.

7.) Both have deceptively sharp little teeth with which they have been known to bite.

8.) Thunder tends to be unpopular.

9.) Both spend time in places with bars – cribs or crates, not downtown.  They are likely to be left at home when the downtown sort of bars are on the itinerary.

10.) Neither is so great at controlling their bodily functions.  Success is often more directly related to how well the adult is trained, versus the puppy or toddler.

11.) While puppies and toddlers are sometimes challenged by “containing” their bodily fluids, they are able to instantly open the flood gates when they want to emphasize a point or opinion.

12.) Their parents tend to make them the subject of entire albums on facebook, sometimes even making them their own profiles – complete with envisioned personality.

13.) They often hold delusions about their size, considering themselves significantly larger than they actually are.

14.) They can rack up insanely expensive medical bills for silly little things like eating shoes and shoving rocks up nostrils – or so I’ve heard.

15.) Giving them chocolate is a huge risk and generally a poor choice.

16.) Both view the primary purpose of most toys (and “toys”) as something to chew on.

17.) I spent most of my childhood begging both my parents and Santa Claus for a toddler and/or a puppy…I never got either.

18.) Both are featured prominently in my future plans.  Ha, I win in the end.  I always win in the end.

19.) The word “no” generally doesn’t mean much, but occasionally will provoke uncontrollable and guilt-inducing whimpering.

20) Both are soft and warm and oh-so-satisfying to snuzzle.

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